Post by Renesmee Cullen on Aug 25, 2010 6:47:55 GMT -8
Unknown Date.
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dear reader,
[/size]Maybe I’m insane. Could it be? Could it be that maybe I’m insane? It feels that way – it feels like the edges of my mind is curling and wrinkling like the aging of an old book. It’s starting to turn in on itself – so is it valid to say that maybe I’m quite possibly going insane?
But surely, if I was writing that, then it means I’m not. Because I recognize the issue. Crazy people don’t realize they have an issue. So. . . certainly, I’m not insane. I can still think of that, even write it down as I’m thinking right now. I’m fine. I’m not crazy.
But still. Maybe I am. I just don’t know. And that’s scary. Not knowing. Does it mean that I’m slipping away a little? I don’t know anymore. Life is usually so simple. I smile when I’m happy, laugh when I’m amused, cry when I’m sad, frown when I’m displeased. . . life is usually so simple. I’m frightened when scared, worried when given a reason to be worried about. But now, things seem to all be out of order. I cry at nights for no reason. I’m paranoid about every single sound this silent castle makes. I laugh in my sleep. I sit still for hours, just staring at the wall, thinking to myself, ‘Maybe if I stare hard enough at it, it’ll go away.’
But that’s ridiculous. I only have thisstupid, useless,talent for letting my thoughts known to others.How useless, unhelpful, unsupportive, ineffectual, worthlessNo. No no no, it’s not worthless. No. This serves a purpose. Somewhere. I’ve never used my power for any reasons besides letting people see my thoughtswhich is the stupidest thing to do, when Jane was trauamatize pe
Well. What if Jane’s power didn’t start that way? What if I can turn my power to the offense?It still would be weak and uselesMaybe it could actually work with something. When I touched Rachel the other day, she called it ‘momentary insanity’. Could I startle people with my power long enough to do something?No. That’s just wishful thinking, and it’s a stupid idea. My talent is worthle.I’m just so conflicted right now. With the things that have been happening. Stephan. My family. Jacob. While Stephan is at the forefront of my mind, Jacob and my family are starting to blur in my head. That isn’t good. At all.Or maybe it is.
