Post by Renesmee Cullen on Jul 3, 2010 22:50:12 GMT -8
Unknown Date.
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dear reader,
[/size]Let me begin by writing that this is not a place where I will detail-like write out my happenings like some sort of Facebook page. Or, a place that I will make tangible sense. . . when I want to. I don't know where I found this parchment, or where I happened to find this pen in my hands. I'd like to think that I didn't coincidentally find them in spite of Aro's being mischevous, and so I won't. But, nonetheless. I degress.
I'm not going to say how long I've been here, or how long I've been kept inside this room. Or rather, how long I've kept myself inside this room. On some days, they vary. Sometimes, I'll be too sick to stand the smell of the old books on the shelves that tacitfully fill my bedroom's walls, and then for others, I'm happily content with being locked away into a room where I believe nobody can reach me. But who I am I to kid myself in such a way? Of course people can reach me. Of course.
That's about as much as an introduction as you'll get. I won't list the dates - I don't want to remember this. This is just a way to keep my mind working, my heart racing, my blood pumping. It's a way to remind myself that. . . this is actually happening. To me.
Why?
I don't know.Maybe it's because I'm a catastrophy to begin with, becNo. That's not the reason. I can't let myself think that,even as much as I want to.I have to at least keep some positive light on this situation. For instance. . .somewhere, out there, Jacob is breathing and healthy. Happy? I don't think he is. . .
I know I'm not. I'm miserable. Content,with Stephan, but miserable. Stephan. That's another thought to deal with. I shouldn't even be writing his name. Someone could pick up these papers while my eyes are distracted elsewhere. I shouldn't write anything about him,but I eventually will. It's inevitable.Jacob. . . God, I miss you. I don't think writing that down will ever begin to suffice to the amount of pain I feel in my core. The amount of distraight I feel, the void, the chasm, the emptiness. Somewhere, out there, my wolf is looking for me. I just have to keep on telling myself that. And Stephan is here with me, comforting me, being the friend I needed when I was clearlygoing to lose myself
No. I'm not going anywhere. I'm strong. I'm strong. I'm strong. I have to keep writing that. I'm strong. I'm strong. I won't let anything else happen to me. I'm going to get through this, and eventually, this will all come to an end. Everything ends. Everything has to.
Right?
Jacob.
I miss you.
